In Search of the Titanic (AKA Tentacolino)

*Sighs* There's only one movie left...there's only one movie left....there's only one movie left of this piece of shit trilogy that never should have fucking existed! Released in 2004, this was somehow greenlit after the The Legend of the Titanic made enogh money in Italy to warrant such a miraculous feat. Let that sink. Often regarded as the worst of the trilogy, this movie has slowly been emerging on the internet thanks to popular internet reviewers sinking their teeth into it. So now that it's my turn to take it on...why is this movie considered the worst out of the bunch despite The Legend of the Titanic somehow making it that nobody died?! Well, let's take a look!

Story: Well, given the title of the movie in either language, you'd expect that it'd be about the group searching for the Titanic & somehow coming across Tentacles! Oh no. Oh n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no! You'd be proven VERY wrong indeed because this movie is miraculously even more batshit crazy than you could possibly imagine! How you may ask? Well, what if I told you that instead of Don Juan & Elizabeth, Ronnie & Connors actually searching for the Titanic like they were supposed to at the beginning, they end up in the lost underwater city of Atlantis with the Island of Misfit Toys where they're trapped forever after taking the elixir of life & have to take on the group of evil sharks from the first movie along with an evil group of Secret of NIMH-esque mice?! Yeah, that & they are given the Titanic all refurbished with Atlantean technology on their own tropical island where there'll be trapped forever despite doing absolutely nothing of importance for the plot & the group seems to be peachy keen over being taken hostage by the King & Queen of Atlantis. Yeah...if you thought the writers were on drugs while coming up with the plot of this movie, you wouldn't be the only one because that probably explains why my brain couldn't function at the insanity I sat through! Believe me when I say that the continuity, structure & tone are all over the place because they never truly acknowledge what happened in the last movie, plots go absolutely nowhere (including one involving a doll being 'cursed' with a wig which he easily takes off 2 minutes later & never comes back) & it just has no sense of cohesion whatsoever! And what's the worst thing of all of this? Well, despite taking place 3 years later, the sinking of the Titanic is considered 'mythical' completely glossing over the hundreds of people who tragically lost their lives! In other words...this movie claims it never happened! Seriously, I know that the summary alone is enough to give you brain cancer, but when you actually see it, it will make your brain explode at how insane it is! It's one of the worst movies I've ever forced myself to sit through period & the insanity that's called the plot is only a part of it!

Animation: Like before, the animation isn't utterly terrible in terms of technicality. While the animation is a bit better in terms of quality, some of the character designs look slightly different & the character animation isn't as inconsistent in terms of pace.And those are the only positives I can say. So, what is wrong with the animation this time round?! Well...the best way to describe it is utterly insane! Believe me when I say that the imagery is downright bizarre in the worst way possible! How? Well, some f the visuals in this include cowgirl nurses, giant toys that come to life having a rave, racially insensitive mice, a big battle of mice & sharks vs mermen/mermaids along with a giant talking octopus & a dog shooting a lazer gun, jellyfish telegrams & a gay jack-in-the-box fish that loves to dress up! To say 'what the fuck' to that laundry list is easily an understatement for this mess of a movie! While the world of Atlantis may look something more at home in somewhere like Futurama , it doesn't mean that it's interesting to look at because it's pretty much glossed over in favour of the characters & plot being mentally challenged. Oh yeah, and to add insult to injury, the Titanic now has Atlantean technology. I believe you will have just felt the 1500 people that died rolling in their underwater graves. So, despite being OK technically...yeah, it's safe to say that the animation is just wrong on every level to watch!

Characters: Yet again, each character in  his can either be considered one dimensional cardboard cutouts or 'comic reliefs' while not being funny in the slightest. Except this time round they're 1000 times worse! Elizabeth & Don Juan are just bland who contribute nothing & for some reason are just fine being taken prisoner forever by the Atlanteans & not being able to see their family or friends ever again! Ronnie & Top Connors are just annoying comic relief (with obviously different voice actors) who go undercover to discover the evil mice's plan to take over the world with the elixir of life. The octopus, now named Otty instead of Tentacles, is creepy yet again & ironically barely appears despite the Italian title of this movie & the dog, Smiles (voiced by Gregory Snegoff. Yes, he's been in every single animated Titanic movie) plays a bigger role just by talking with the humans & has pretty questionable priorities given that his first instincts while being stuck in Atlantis is looking for some action with the bitches. The King & Queen of Atlantis are both equally as one dimensional because they never properly dive into their backstory over how they ended up in Atlantis & could be considered more evil than the real villains given that they're the ones to take the group hostage. Heck, even the King's face is hidden akin to Dr Claw from Inspector Gadget (without a big reveal of who he really is). Pingo, the gay jack-in-the-box fish (an utterance I'd never find myself writing) is easily the most irritating character out of all of them! Not only is his stereotype beyond insulting, but how insensitively he handles the situation of Don Juan & Elizabeth being stuck in Atlantis forever just grated on my nerves! Every single time he was on screen was just mind numbingly irritating & I just wanted to shoot him with Smiles' lazer gun over & over again. And as for the villain rats...yeah, they're not threatening because their plan to take over the world with the elixir of life (yes, really) has numerous plot holes & unanswered questions that are never once acknowledged! Oh yeah, and the sharks are also back with the leader Razorteeth's only motivation for stopping Don Juan & Elizabeth this time round being that the bathysphere (which shouldn't even have existed in 1915) they were inside was yellow (yes, really), a colour that he hates despite his stomach being that colour! Oh yeah, and Maltravers is briefly back (now named Baron Van derTilt for some reason) searching for the lost treasures of the Titanic which goes absolutely nowhere! I think it's safe to say that the characters are the tip of the iceberg (no pun intended) for how...distasteful the writing is!

Songs: I guess this movie was jealous of Legend Goes On because unlike the first movie, this has a couple of superfluous & shoehorned musical numbers! The first one is the captain shark doing a rap number that, again, comes out of nowhere & is just laughably terrible to watch. But without a doubt, the worst song in this is the one that Pingo sings when he introduces Don Juan & Elizabeth to Atlantis! Why? Well, it somehow transitions from being a showtune to rave music & the visuals contain the toys dancing about for no discernible reason in the scariest mindfuck I have ever seen! Anyway, a distorted reprise of one of the songs from the first movie is played at the end when everyone has a dance party to celebrate their victory over the evil mice. Oh yeah, and a blatant rip-off of My Heart Will Go On plays just before the end credits while there's a romance montage of Don Juan & Elizabeth forever trapped on an island possibly left to become feral a'la Lord of the Flies when their resources run out after eating the dogs & mice! To call the musical numbers ear bleedingly bad is a massive understatement with this piece of crap!

If you thought Legend of the Titanic was the most insulting thing to come out of animated Titanic trilogy, then you haven't seen this abomination! The plot is pretty much brain bleach, the visuals are downright scary, the characters are somehow even more irritating & the songs have absolutely no purpose! If you want to watch a film that's equally as insane as it is atrocious, then this is most definitely the one for you! Now that I'm FINALLY done with the Unholy Trinity never to be returned to again, I can leave them to rest & hopefully fade into obscurity. And given that Italy considers these movies a disgrace to their country & cinema, I think it's safe to say that they've finally learnt their lesson on how not to make movies based on the 1912 disaster/James Cameron movie!
Story: 0/10
Animation: 4/10
Characters: 0/10
Songs: 0/10