Charming

It's safe to say this movie has been under my radar ever since its announcement (and Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarves which seems to have disappeared after its horrendous fat shaming Cannes Film Festival campaign back in 2017). With tons of delays and lack of promotional material, it honestly got to the point whether it would actually be released despite the celebrity names attached to it. Well, thanks to the good old Internet, I managed to finally watch it. With no behind the scenes information I could find, did Vanguard Animation learn their mistakes with Happily N'Ever After (we meet again, enemy of mine...) or is it yet another Shrek rip-off that's a waste of time and money? Let's take a look.

Story: I don't need call anything a spoiler because you've probably figured out what happens just from looking at the poster. While the concept of a generic Prince Charming being romantically entangled with different fairytale princesses sounds interesting, it quickly gets thrown out the window by taking the Happily N'Ever After route of the generic hetero (except Lenore disguises herself as a man which Phillipe is completely oblivious to despite her feminine voice and non-concealed breasts) buddy road trip quest where they hate each other before liking each other despite having nothing in common and society deeming them an unfit match. And of course there's a misunderstanding/betrayal before the third act which results in one of the most anticlimactic battles ever with slow execution and no build up, stakes or emotional weight. As for the fairytale satire, it's just random cutaways to Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty failing to give them personalities or justifications for Phillipe proposing to all three of them and spitefully making fun of their fairytale's messed up origins while indulging in the True Love's Kiss breaks the spell route (seems somebody forgot that Disney has been exploring other types of love in their recent films...). What's just as insulting is that the humour is never funny to the point it's anti-comedy (I could rant for hours how wrong it is to make jokes including a male-on-male no homo kiss when Phillipe attempts suicide via hanging to save everyone from his curse despite no indications that would fix it) with some of the most bizarre dialogue that disregards the show don't tell rule since Rock-a-Doodle's narration! Also, the pacing is so slow that it feels like it's taking forever, not helping with the awful execution and intrusive musical numbers (which I'll get to in a moment). Oh yeah, and the world itself and rules of magic are so inconsistent that it made me wonder if anybody actually took a moment to read through the script. This story is so boring, so cliched and paint by numbers that literally the only twists are Lenore proposing marriage (yeah, because that felt warranted after three days of lies and zero chemistry) and her pregnancy one year later.

Animation: Just like Happily N'Ever After, the animation is cheap by today's high standards, but it's marginally better than said movie. While the character designs would look appealing in a hand drawn environment, the transition into CGI leaves them looking rigid and bland, similar to the Swan Princess sequels (including the creepiest CGI baby model since Renesmee from Twilight). And just like Swan Princess, the extras have the same character models with different hairstyles and colours with somehow more dead eyes than Phillipe's and under-defined skin which looks like rubber. Speaking of textures, they're a mix. Some of it is surprisingly good like the Oracle scene and the hair and magic, but the rest can look cheap (including recycling footage and awful lip syncing). The restrained character animation is mostly responsible for the aforementioned slow paced and uninteresting fight scenes along with the bizarre framing and editing choices (seriously, at points they pause the movie to shoehorn Phillipe's idiotic thoughts that make you want to grab him by the shoulders and tell him to get a grip). In fact, this whole movie's look is uninteresting. All you see is just a prince. Just a castle. Just a forest. Just an "ooh scary" villain. Nothing makes it stand out compared to other movies it's trying to emulate and it made me wonder if they just stuck with the first concept art designs in production. Given that this was released in the same year as Incredibles 2, Ralph Breaks the Internet and Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse, is it any surprise when I say how terrible this looks in comparison?

Why would her mugshot have a Dreamworks face...?

Characters: Of course every character in this is a cardboard cutout! Lenore/Lenny (Demi Lovato) is your tough badass girl who "don't need no man" and is somehow immune to Phillipe's curse (it's never explained), who would be a good role model if it weren't for her generic motivations, dull backstory and odd times talking both to herself and her silent Angry Bird sidekick. And I hate to say this, but just because an animated heroine has an average built figure, it doesn't immediately make her interesting. Prince Phillipe Charming (Wilmer Valderamma) is the Don Juan archetype cursed to make every woman fall in love with him who is as much the superficial doofus as you'd expect with his development coming out of nowhere and not making sense. Oh yeah, and his Latino heritage also adds nothing to his character. Snow White (Avril Lavigne), Cinderella (Ashley Tisdale) and Sleeping Beauty (G.E.M) are all portrayed as spoilt brats with one defining trait based on their fairytales because someone's still bitter over Disney being a juggernaut. Even Shrek The Third's satire on Disney princesses was better because they were at least voiced by funny SNL comediennes and eventually became badasses. I guess you could argue the choice to cast three former pop princesses as the three oldest Disney princesses would be an interesting contrast to the new Lenore being voiced by a current pop star, but the movie never explores that possibility and the princesses are pretty easily forgotten. Nemeny Neverwish (Nia Vardalos) is every villain cliche who wants revenge and to destroy love (just romantic despite love being more complex in reality) who doesn't feel like a threat because her end goals are never explained and she pops up whenever the plot stops. She's honestly so bad that she makes Dellamorta from The Seventh Dwarf look like a three dimensional villain. The Fairy Godmother (John Cleese who never refuses a voice acting gig nowadays) just exists to rip off Shrek's ugly stepsister drag joke which fails to realize why that was funny and is instantly forgettable. The Half Oracle (Sia) only exists to shove the love message in Lenore's (and our) faces who is forgotten about after her appearance except for a throwaway line at the end. In fact, the only character worth liking is Phillipe's father (Jim Cummings) as he's the only person making sense and caring about the curse and his son, and even then he spouts clumsy exposition. And yet again, the voice acting is pretty bad in that it felt like the actors all recorded their lines in one take and were looking for an easy paycheck (I'll admit Sia was better than I expected despite her hamming it up most of the time). In a time where proactive female and racially diverse characters are becoming more mainstream, this feels like a misguided step backwards.

Songs: I don't know whether it's a lie to call this a musical like the promotional material claimed, because there are only 3 songs in this 80 minute film. Written by Sia and Fall Out Boy lead Patrick Stump, the songs are fine by themselves in a sense that they're made to be listened to on radio. The problem isn't just that they're modernized and date the movie, but also they serve no function and come out of nowhere. Trophy Boy establishes the premise with the princesses wanting to marry Phillipe, with an insanely catchy hook which got stuck in my head for days the first time I watched it. I guess you could say it's trying to be funny with each princess going on about liking Phillipe just for his looks, but it gets repetitive after a while and doesn't add to their characters.  Baladino is Sia's big number with probably the best and trippiest visuals the movie has to offer, shoving the message about love in our faces. Magical is easily a contender for the "pop love ballad begging for an Oscar nomination" with the generic inspiring lyrics and reusing clips on par with an amateur AMV, despite showing off Demi Lovato's beautiful and powerful pipes which work well with Wilmer Valderama (and makes the circumstances of their relationship sadder.) and is honestly a song that deserves much better than the trite script and animation. the pop songs in the background feel like the kind that want to be breakaway hits like the Shrek films, but they're too bland and forgettable to make an impact and don't fit with the original songs.

This movie was everything I was expecting: an outdated Shrek rip-off with celebrities wasted, bad humour, annoying characters, bad animation and musical numbers that feel like an afterthought. But is it worse than Happily N'Ever After? Well...no and yes. No because I could quickly forget about it, it's that paint by numbers, but yes because it makes me angrier seeing amazing talent wasted in the laziest script. Seriously, just skip this and watch the other movies it's attempting to cash in on. They may be dated by today's standards in animation, but at least their efforts show and at the end of the day are sincere in their messages.
Story: 2/10
Animation: 2/10
Characters: 2/10
Songs: 5/10
Overall: 2/10

7 Hewan Bukan Mamalia Yang Menyusui

Bukan Mamalia, 7 Hewan Unik Ini Terbukti Juga Menyusui Anaknya Lho!

Ciri-ciri hewan mamalia adalah menyusui. Namun, ternyata gak hanya mamalia yang menyusui lho. Ada hewan bukan mamalia yang juga menyusui anaknya.

Sama seperti mamalia dan manusia, hewan-hewan unik ini menyusui untuk memberikan nutrisi penting yang berguna untuk anaknya. Namun, jangan bayangkan susu yang keluar akan seperti susu sapi atau ASI ya. Cara memproduksi “susu palsu” ini berbeda dengan mamalia. Berikut hewan-hewan unik tersebut.

1. Burung merpati (Columbia palumbus)

Merpati hebat dalam berbagi tugas dalam mengurus anaknya. Gak seperti mamalia, merpati jantan dan betina sama-sama menghasilkan "susu" untuk anak mereka. Cairan ini disebut "crop milk". Merpati menyusui melalui kantung di dasar lehernya. Biasanya kantung ini digunakan untuk menyimpan dan melembapkan makanan sebelum mencernanya.

Dua hari sebelum telur merpati menetas, kedua induknya akan menghasilkan susu. Susu merpati ini sangat kaya protein dan lemak. Dilansir dari jurnal NCBI pada 1952, ketika susu tersebut diumpankan ke ayam, tingkat pertumbuhan mereka meningkat sebesar 38 persen.

2. Burung flamingo(Phoenicopterus)

Burung yang terkenal dengan burung merah muda dan jingga ini ternyata menyusui anak mereka lho. Gak hanya betina, flamingo jantan juga menyusui anaknya dari gumpalan susu di temboloknya. Susu flamingo punya warna yang unik karena mirip dengan warna bulunya, yakni merah muda. Mereka akan menyusui hingga 12 hari setelah menetas.

3. Penguin kaisar (Aptenodytes forsteri)

Sama seperti burung merpati dan flamingo, burung penguin kaisar juga menyusui anak-anaknya. Burung ini punya kekhasan dengan leher berbulu kuning, sementara anak-anak penguin kaisar punya warna yang berbeda. Sebagai gambaran, kamu mungkin teringat burung ini dari film Happy Feet.

Penguin kaisar kawin sekitar Juni-Agustus. Lantas, setelah kawin, penguin betina akan bertelur. Uniknya, mengerami telur adalah tugas pejantannya. Telur ini dierami kurang lebih tiga bulan. Setelah menetas, barulah bayi penguin disusui. Hebatnya, baik jantan maupun betina akan mengurus bayi penguin mereka secara bergantian.

4. Kecoak kumbang pasifik (Diploptera punctata)

Ini nyata. Beberapa kecoak memberi anak mereka dengan semacam susu. Salah satu contohnya adalah kecoak kumbang pasifik. Kebanyakan kecoak betina bertelur di kantung yang disebut ootheca, yang mereka jatuhkan dari tubuh sebelum telur akan menetas. Setelah kecoak muda menetas dari telur, mereka lari mencari makanan.

Namun, kecoak kumbang pasifik betina punya cara berbeda untuk pengasuhan anaknya. Alih-alih bertelur, embrio berkembang di dalam kantung induknya, mirip seperti rahim. Setelah embrio terbentuk sepenuhnya, mereka mulai meminum "susu" yang diproduksi oleh sel-sel di dalam kantung induk. Ini yang membuat mereka cepat bertambah berat badan. Karena mendapatkan banyak nutrisi saat masih dalam tubuh ibu mereka, kecoak muda lebih dewasa saat mereka lahir.

5. *Pseudoscorpion (Chelifer cancroides) *

Seperti kecoak kumbang pasifik,pseudoscorpion betina menghasilkan zat seperti susu. Namun, dia mengeluarkannya dari indung telur, bukan rahimnya. Si betina akan membawa telur dan membuahi dalam struktur seperti kantung yang menempel di perutnya. Begitu bayi menetas, mereka tinggal di dalam kantung dan meminum susu ibu mereka.

Setelah meninggalkan kantung, mereka terus menumpang di punggung ibu mereka sampai mereka cukup umur untuk hidup mandiri. Panjang pseudoscorpion sendiri hanya 2-3 mm. Mereka sering ditemukan di kamar dengan buku-buku berdebu, sehingga mereka kadang-kadang disebut "kalajengking buku".

6. Ikan diskus biru (Symphysodon aequifasciatus)

"Susu" ikan diskus gak seperti susu yang kamu bayangkan. Susu mereka sebenarnya adalah sekresi seperti lendir yang melapisi tubuh. Susu ini kaya akan protein dan antibodi. Beberapa hari setelah ikan diskus muda menetas dari telurnya, mereka akan pergi ke orang tua mereka. Mereka akan memakan susu lendir yang melapisi tubuh mereka.

Selama dua minggu pertama, mereka menghabiskan sebagian besar waktu untuk memberi makan anak mereka. Pemberian makan berlangsung selama 5-10 menit, setelah itu mereka akan bergantian.

Minggu ketiga dan seterusnya, para orangtua mulai menyapih anak mereka. Mereka berenang menjauh dari anak-anak mereka untuk jangka waktu yang lama. Tujuannya adalah memaksa anak-anak mereka untuk mencari sumber makanan lain.

7. Taita african caecilian (Boulengerula taitanus/taitana)

Caecilian adalah amfibi, seperti katak dan salamander. Namun, mereka telah kehilangan anggota tubuh mereka sehingga terlihat seperti cacing. Sebagian besar spesies menjaga telurnya hingga menetas dan kemudian meninggalkannya. Namun, taita african caecilian dari Kenya bagian tenggara punya gaya pengasuhan yang lebih rumit.

Ketika caecilian muda menetas dari telurnya, mereka belum dewasa dan sepenuhnya bergantung pada ibu mereka. Untuk memberi makan bayinya, caecilianbetina mengubah lapisan atas kulitnya menjadi lapisan protein dan lemak yang tebal.

Alih-alih minum sekresi, bayi caecilianmengikis lapisan kulit ini menggunakan gigi. Kulitnya sangat padat dengan nutrisi. Sehingga, dalam satu minggu saja, anaknya bisa bertambah panjang sekitar 11 persen. Namun, sebagai gantinya, sang induk akan kehilangan 14 persen dari berat tubuhnya.

Itu tadi hewan-hewan unik selain mamalia yang menyusui anak-anaknya. Di luar sana ternyata ada banyak sekali fakta unik tentang hewan ya. Mana dari mereka yang kamu nobatkan sebagai orangtua teladan? Sampaikan pendapatmu di kolom komentar ya.